2 posts tagged “my dad”

It is rather strange that a plan is evolving wherein I'll have more time to write. Strange because it's actually growing in a Petri dish right now, never expecting it to be able to sustain viability outside the lab, but who knows? Frankenstein was never expected to lead an agrarian life either. (Go read the real Frankenstein. By Mary Shelley. :-)

Still dealing with stupid things that require faxing of death certificates and taking time off work. And a lassitude that hampers a real good belly laugh. Its name is probably Guilt, which is normal but oh so heavy and unwelcome a visitor in my life right now. I need Atlas.

Also assessing the past year of "dwindling access to the community" as the geriatric shrinks like to phrase it... and how my dad wasn't all that tuned into what my life was really like and how I was spinning a tidy little fiction for him. And how I might write that novel, since I'm not really living it.

My dad died on Jan. 30, just after I was out of town for a week, and 9 days after I saw him for the last time. I spoke to him on Friday or Saturday, and he died on Tuesday. It wasn't a huge surprise, but it is altogether way too sad.

I'm still in shock with waves of grief breaking on shore at odd moments, and lately the waves are coming bigger and stronger.

The biggest issue right now, though, is what to eat. I have little energy for cooking, and the custom of legions of people showing up with food after someone dies has died, I think. So, we have Mrs. Pauls and the Stouffers in for dinner, and I hope I don't burn them. Way way preoccupied.